I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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