DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
