youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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