I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
