I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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