I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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