as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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