wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
