If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
