I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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