I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
