awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize