She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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