we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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