where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
