was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
