I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
