would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
