Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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