I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
