well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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