he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
