We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
