Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
