But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So drunk its hurt
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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