what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
