Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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