Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
