I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
