there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
