So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
