woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
