My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
