I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
