Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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