i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The Olympian is in my bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
