My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
