I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
