xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
