You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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