Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
