Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
