I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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