My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
false alarm. still invincible.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
