A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
