We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
