ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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