I just saw a hot homeless man
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
