finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
