i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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