oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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