I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
