2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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