Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
