Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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