I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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